美国大学本科申请Common Application话题3Essay范文

美国大学本科申请common application话题3essay要求：

indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

描述一个曾经对你有重要影响的人,并说明他/她对你产生了怎样的影响。

honor guard. how hard could it be? i thought. the day i joined, i realized it was not going to be a cake walk. my first residential life officer (rlo) meeting, i was nervous, didn’t know anybody, and worst of all, i had no idea who my rlo was personally. captain macdonnel, or captain mac for short, is a tall, blonde haired former marine, and that one guy everyone loved, and for good reason! he was always cracking jokes and made things entertaining, even when they were torturous. he came into the room and everyone went dead silent. ears he said. before i could even ask myself what that meant, the whole room replied with open sir. right then, i felt i was out of place. what had i been thinking joining this detachment? these guys were way out of my league! captain mac interrupted my self degrading thoughts with a stern speech of how band company, the company honor guard is detached from, and honor guard were going to be run and that we were to be the best company, no questions asked. anyone who wasn’t perfect was immediately corrected. unfortunately for me, i fell into that category.

the longer i was in honor guard, the more i noticed that being perfect was a habit. my demerit count decreased to a consistent zero, everything i did was outstanding, and best of all, i became, what we say, stract (strategically ready and combat tough). this didn’t happen without work, however. through the use of discipline, hard discipline at that, captain mac shaped not just my brain, but all of my brothers’ brains, to strive for perfection, and to put our best into everything we do. the infamous, indy 500, was the tool he used to mold our minds into outstanding students and cadets, a tool that only he enjoyed. i realized that accepting consequences for my actions made life easier, no matter the situation. every time we cleaned the gymnasium floor with our sweat, i stumbled out, but not without thanking captain mac, with a genuine smile on my face, for correcting me.

though captain mac spent the majority of his time on the beach and gymnasium, those were not his boundaries. looking at my competitors during a home swim meet, my nerves got the best of me. i never really had much self-esteem, but all that changed when captain mac burst through the gate to the pool. his sixth sense of fear alerted him that i was more nervous than any honor guard cadet should be. he said to me, these guys may have stronger bodies, you have something that they don’t. what’s that? i asked. within a nanosecond of responding, i found a knife hand lunging at my neck, and a scream in my right ear, which made out to be, a will to win. i dived into that pool with a spring in my legs, and came out the victor.

美国大学本科申请common application话题3essay例文网友点评：

网友1：

i think you need to focus a bit more on how he actually influenced you and not just what happened.overall, good theme. very unique subject.

网友2：

very well written. although i couldnt understand the topic (i have no idea what rlo is), i could relate. i would suggest focussing more on what you have become because of his influence and how you changed, improved in that. go more intra-personal so that the reader knows what you think of yourself. by the by, excellent writing skills.