美国伊利诺伊大学香槟分校本科申请Essay话题2例文及点评

发布时间:2014年07月14日 来源:毕达留学
毕达留学是一家以“录名校、做口碑”为理念的留学咨询机构,专注本科、硕士和博士等各阶段的海外名校申请。毕达注重个性化和透明化的申请服务,致力于申请者学术和职业素养的提升,帮助申请者从本质上提升竞争力并获名校录取。众多超预期的名校录取,是毕达打造以口碑传播为核心的基础。正因如此,每年都有众多学生以照片和视频形式为毕达留学公开代言。查看更多

 

伊利诺伊大学香槟分校本科申请essay话题2要求:

in no more than 300 words, tell us something about yourself that isnt covered elsewhere in this application, some interest or experience of yours that you think the university of illinois should know about as part of the admissions review.

伊利诺伊大学香槟分校本科申请essay话题2例文:

i was the secretary of my class league for the whole three boarding high school years. for me, being a secretary means more than just conducting the task from teachers and school. i wanted to take advantage of my position to relax my classmates’ tense nerves under overwhelming learning pressure. most students in our school came from poor rural families, which indicated the only hope of their family revival burdened on them. the sole method to resurrect was to get into a high-ranked university, which was thoroughly realized by our school principal. thus our school emphasized almost everything on studying and grades which contributed to the fact that students had little time to take a rest. i, as the study-aboard student who could focus less on schoolwork, figured out one way to ameliorate this situation. i went back home every friday night to download the latest movies and played them on sunday afternoon as soon as we finished our weekend-test and then had two-hour free time to take a shower or wash clothes. it was the only vacant time over the entire week and although i knew not all of my classmates would choose to just watch a relaxing movie, i still kept doing it. at the beginning, my effort seemed like a joke. only several classmates sat in the classroom which made the movie show like an exclusive display. but with every-weekend-one-movie going on, the number of classmates sitting in the classroom increased. i clearly remembered after two months executing this plan, i could see over half of the classmates staying in the classroom watch movies. sometimes i could even find someone i did not know sit in our classroom. that was the student from other classes who heard there would be an every-weekend movie in our classroom and then decided to come by to release his stress. at that time, a feeling of fulfillment hit me. i understood the meaning of what i did and gained the power to keep doing it until the day i had to leave school. in fact, this way can even be called as infinitesimal. however, it did improve the vigor of my classmates. our class as a whole ranked first among all the classes in the final exam. i never regret doing this. if time permitted, i would display every-weekend movies, for ever.

伊利诺伊大学香槟分校本科申请essay话题2例文点评:

brilliant essay in general. btw on the first line, it should be "being a secretary meant ..."not means, because it was past tense. since you want it shorter, the part where you said "and then had two-hour free time to take a shower or wash clothes" is irrelevant. i suggest you remove it also remove the sentence where you said "infact, this way can even be called as infinitesimal" i dont understand that part or why its there

 

分享到:
  • 微信平台
  • 资料下载
  • 视频实录